Enter the Pathetic

"Blog ko to. Walang Pakialamanan. Bad trip lang."

Fuck this life.

"Fuck everybody and anyone that makes up a part of it. Fuck myself for ever living this stupid piece of shit. I'm so fucking screwed up. I'm such a fucking mess and nobody's ever going to make things alright. What are you gonna do? A pat on the back and a simple utterance of "Everything's gonna be ok"?
Well, Fuck you!! Nothing's alright."

OK Joseph.

Stop.

You don't have an "I'm-16-I'm-just-crossing-puberty-and-I-hate-the-world" syndrome.

You're just pissed off. Things aren't going your way. Everybody's happy about their lives, and you're not. It's 10 days before your birthday. So what? You're still fucked up. You haven't gotten out of your mess. Anything new?

Another year, so you say. Another year to get your ass fucked up. Or maybe another year where you grow old, rant about why nothing's changing. Rant about why everybody's growing, expanding, exploring, changing, and you're just in one corner jacking off.

Jacking off, you say, we'll you've done that for almost all of your life.

Anyone hit?

Get real.

Everybody jacks their fucking lives off.

Lost and Waiting...

It's been a while ever since i felt i was GENUINELY happy.

The past 6-9 months have been the worst, most painful, most lonely, and slowest moments of my life.

I could count with my fingers the actual number of times i flashed a true smile.

A smile that was not in conformance with the people i was with. A laugh that felt free of guilt, worry or debt.

Now I laugh and soon enough something heavy surfaces in my chest, leaving me to turn my head down in bitter regret.

As i see everybody smile and walk with such a light stride, i drag my body and hold my head down.

People ask if i'm alright, if im ok.
Sure, i am, but being alright, being "ok", doesn't exactly mean I'm happy.

And fuck, I'm NOT.

What's left is a grim shadow of what i used to be.
I may have learned to like this dark corner after all.

Because I'm not sure if ever there's a light to look forward to...