Lost and Waiting...

It's been a while ever since i felt i was GENUINELY happy.

The past 6-9 months have been the worst, most painful, most lonely, and slowest moments of my life.

I could count with my fingers the actual number of times i flashed a true smile.

A smile that was not in conformance with the people i was with. A laugh that felt free of guilt, worry or debt.

Now I laugh and soon enough something heavy surfaces in my chest, leaving me to turn my head down in bitter regret.

As i see everybody smile and walk with such a light stride, i drag my body and hold my head down.

People ask if i'm alright, if im ok.
Sure, i am, but being alright, being "ok", doesn't exactly mean I'm happy.

And fuck, I'm NOT.

What's left is a grim shadow of what i used to be.
I may have learned to like this dark corner after all.

Because I'm not sure if ever there's a light to look forward to...